U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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