my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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