piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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