apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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