I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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