Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
