1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
