he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
