I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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