1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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