Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
