I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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