Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
