I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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