I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
