the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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