Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize