I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
