Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
