so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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