Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
