how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
