well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
