does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
