I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
