just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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