I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
