Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
