I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
