I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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