Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
