can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
