You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
