he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
