I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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