I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
