I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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