It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Green mimosas i think yes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
