hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
