Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
