Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
