I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
