I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
