Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
