I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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