Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
