I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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