The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
