She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
