Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
