someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
