this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
