I cannot find my penis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
