i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
